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LITERATURE

 » Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King's new novella questions mankind's ability to trust others.
[02.21.2011 by Bridget Doyle]

MUSIC

 » The Top 30 Albums of 2010 - Fashionably, fabulously late, our favorite music (and believe me, there was a LOT) of 2010, the year that some have called the best year for music ever. And only some of those fools work here. Plenty of usual suspects, lots of ties and a few surprises that I won't spoil, including our unexpected #1.
[12.24.2010 by The LAS Staff]

MUSIC

 » Live: Surfer Blood/The Drums at Lincoln Hall, Chicago, IL - Remember when Weezer used to put together records that you could sing along to and rock out to? That's what Surfer Blood's show was like!
[11.04.2010 by Cory Tendering]

Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
»Screaming Females
Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
»Deerhunter
Halcyon Digest
4AD
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
»Robyn
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Konichiwa
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Lisbon
Fat Possum
LOSTATSEA.NET > FEATURES >

May 31, 2000
This could be the trickiest one yet; due to my nature I will attempt to explain these most unfortunate circumstances. First off, I think cute punk girls are a high commodity, something about the cheeks. These girls probably have rad pusses too.

One thing I have learned is that I tend to be too much of a naked writer. This was inbred awhile back and now needs to be left alone, unless of course for publication. I do maintain a state of disbelief that my main mag didn't say anything about my best piece: The Hustler. At one point in the expression/story, I went and hustled on Santa Monica Boulevard; that shit is bad ass and now I am forced to search out a magazine that prints the best literature. So far nothing though, so it's going to waste, most of it.

Love letters, if you keep sending them as the years pass (not wise), need to be thrown away. All naked letters, things really that would just lead to something else literary, should always be thrown away. This will ensure a clear conscience and good rapport with the ladies, and others.

I have been learning a lot of hard lessons this year. And discovering that getting old makes it hard to perform at bars. It seems I have been aging very quickly the last few months. Severe depression is a bad one, it has a way of coming back around; things tried backfire, all sorts of shit blows up, and this is not good.

The girls that hang out around my hostel in the Hollywood hills are more into the old guys. Remember, chicks with sleek looks desire solid impressions. Keep that in mind if you want to score with one of their shallow asses.

I am in the midst of trying to get a magazine to buy me an expensive hooker, so that at last I will have the experience of a woman I won't have to deal with except over wine and oral sex. Do you think that would be bad with one of those, hookers I mean?

These girls, those girls. Why do guys hang out with the wrong girls? The wrong ones make them lazy, keep them thinking that they're not looking for a psychological partner, that we want a buddy.

Wearing expensive ski caps helps with looks. Basically, I am too powerful to get girls; think on that one for awhile. I'm sure at least one chick could warm up to that concept.

One time, when I was late arriving for a flight out of the Bloomington, Illinois airport, a plane came back from the runway to get me. They needed me to get to California. Be careful out there in the land of Estrogen.

One last thing: I don't really like Spike Jonze's two new assistants. And I told him, too. The old ones were way cooler. Everybody can't be cool, but alas I am super cool, so I win.

Steven Sleave

--
Tom Schmidt
No one really knows anything at all about Tom Schmidt.

See other articles by Tom Schmidt.

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