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August 21, 2002
I can't really say that, back then, the news shocked me. Admittedly, I was only nine months old when the news about the King's death spread around the globe. And by the King I mean The King - I'm not talking about the King of the local bowling lanes, or Larry King, or some kiddy-loving wanna' be King of pop (even though it is sometimes difficult to discern whether Michael Jackson is actually still alive underneath what's left of his face). No, I'm talking about the King of rock, the one and only King. I'm talking about Elvis the Pelvis.

Nonetheless, I'm disappointed. You hear me, King? I'm a little let down. Like everyone the world-over, last week, on Friday, August 16th, I was waiting for a sign! Twenty-five years of time off is plenty, and now it's about time for a comeback, dontchathink?

Twenty-five years ago, the Pelvis left us, and so the rest of the King went with it. On August 16th of 1977, Elvis Aaron Presley, the King of rock'n roll, the cheeseburger lover with internationally recognized sideburns, the most famous muncher of peanut butter and banana sandwiches, was declared dead. The official autopsy report will not be in the public domain until 2027, but there won't be much more in it than what we already now - a fat man OD'd on burgers, drugs, and medications.

Not even death, however, could free up the King's always hectic schedule - what with all that getting abducted by aliens, shagging housewives, showing up in Alabama supermarkets, on Illinois highways and in fast-food joints around the world. That one's actually my favorite - I mean, if Elvis actually had a reason to come back, then I guess it would be to grab a quick snack; a dozen Big Macs, a double serving of milkshakes, and a side order of fine-cut Columbian coke.

I don't really have any connection to the King, except for a postcard among many others pinned to my kitchen cupboard to cover the unsightly shade of forest-green that one of the previous tenants thought of as totally hip, which was incidentally probably back in Elvis's time. But in a way I like him - Elvis, not the previous resident. I think of Presley as the Kurt Cobain of the Seventies, although Elvis has got some things Kurt has not. Like web pages for instance. There are web pages where you can report Elvis sightings (link). Web sites where you can find out about how to put a copyright on your sighting (link) or, if you can't seem to find him on your own, order an Elvis impersonator (link). You can also use the web for more everyday obsessions like downloading Elvis screensavers (link), buying a few curls of Elvis hair (link) or just finding out about his life, his drugs, and his Last Will (link). My absolute favorite, however, is the animated-ASCII Elvis (link) and the one site where you can put words into his mouth (link).

But who knows, in time perhaps Kurt Cobain will get such royal treatment as well, although I sure hope not.

SEE ALSO: www.elvis.com
SEE ALSO: www.americanpsychotherapy.com/elvis.php

--
Samuel Klaus
Samuel Klaus, a native of Zurich, Switzerland, is a legal expert and a contributor-at-large for LAS magazine.

See other articles by Samuel Klaus.

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