» Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King's new novella questions mankind's ability to trust others.
[02.21.2011 by Bridget Doyle]


 » The Top 30 Albums of 2010 - Fashionably, fabulously late, our favorite music (and believe me, there was a LOT) of 2010, the year that some have called the best year for music ever. And only some of those fools work here. Plenty of usual suspects, lots of ties and a few surprises that I won't spoil, including our unexpected #1.
[12.24.2010 by The LAS Staff]


 » Live: Surfer Blood/The Drums at Lincoln Hall, Chicago, IL - Remember when Weezer used to put together records that you could sing along to and rock out to? That's what Surfer Blood's show was like!
[11.04.2010 by Cory Tendering]

Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
»Screaming Females
Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
Halcyon Digest
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Fat Possum

February 1, 2002

"Sleep a lot. Eat a lot. Brush 'em like crazy. Run a lot. Do a lot . Never be lazy…" - Brian Wilson, "Vegetables"

Hi. My name is Beetfeet, not to be confused with my pet of the same name. I live at 32306 Guild Street, Neopia Central, Neopia. It's a quaint room home. Inside there are two green chairs, two dung sofas, and a dung chair.

Every morning when I wake up the first thing I do is feed my pets. Everyone in Neopia maintains at least one pet. I have two, Beetfeet, and Britney_is_my_homie. Beetfeet is my own creation, she is a glowing Aisha. Britney_is_my_homie was adopted at the Neopian pound, she is a white Aisha. An Aisha is a catlike creature with two extra ears that sit perched on their heads atop tall antennae.

For breakfast Beetfeet and Britney_is_my_homie usually eat a piece from the giant omelette, which I collect from the Tyrannian Plateau. After that I spin the Faerie Wheel and play Tombola. Yesterday I won a pot of maggot stew, an almost gummy rat (grape) and 172 neopoints.

It costs money to maintain your pets, and though gambling isn't frowned upon in Neopia as it is in real life, it isn't the best way to earn a living. With the overwhelming variety of things to buy and do in Neopia, most people strive for a better life. Your pets can have jobs, but my pets are spoiled and do not work. After a lucky spin of the Faerie wheel a few months ago, I became the proprietor of The Booty Shack, a size 34 establishment in Neopia Central's marketplace. The easiest way to make money here is to buy low and sell high. I buy low at Neopia's version of Ebay, and the Igloo Garage Sale, and sell the things I find in my shop. The process reminds me of back in the real world, when you'd go to high-priced resale shops and see things you'd passed up at the Salvation Army.

The Booty Shack specializes in pork products and gross food but we also carry a large selection snow food, donuts, sand fruit and toys. We bring in an average of about 1100np a day, a nice living. Although I still gamble from time to time I must say it feels good to no longer be dependent on Dice-a-roo and Meerca Chase winnings. Whoring myself to sites like grouplotto.com and dealtime.com for neopoints just made me feel dirty and used.

Before Britney_is_my_homie, I had adopted a blue Aisha, Linda643, who had been abandoned by her previous owner. I was rolling in np and thought it wise that I should get another pet. She came to me having not read a single book, hungry, and in need of love. And though I bought her books and toys, she was not my own creation and always second best to Beetfeet, who I always fed nicer food, enrolled in training school, and played with more often. When I found a bottle of Moehog transformification potion and after it didn't sell at auction, I decided I would use it on Linda643 despite the label's warning that it would do awful things to my pet. She turned into a Moehog, a frumpy little dragon type thing, ugly. It costs 80 Neopoints to abandon a pet so I did the unthinkable. I simply ignored Linda643, let her starve in order to save money. She grew hungry but did not die. My omelette collection grew to be quite valuable. It was when the Pant Devil came and stole my most prized Cheese and Onion omelette that I realized what an terrible person I'd become. I decided I would take Linda643 to the pound, surely someone would give her a good home.

The abandon/adoption counter was split into two sides: a smiling pink unicorn attendant on one side to help me adopt, the same one who had helped me attain Linda643, and on the abandon side a stern looking attendant who grit his teeth and furrowed his brow when I moved my mouse over his face. He warned me that pets are not just for sometimes, pets are forever, be they Neo or otherwise. Compassion is one of the lessons that Neopets strives to instill in its users and I felt bad. When I clicked on abandon pets, and I was taken to screen where both my pets sat side by side, crying, their long ears dropped at their sides, a clickable box beneath each reading Leave me to die. I thought long and hard, looked at Linda643's mangled features. She had once been beautiful like Beetfeet, but I fed her that awful potion, how could I be so cruel? I clicked the box. Sure? I clicked again. Pleeeese Nooooo! The guilt hurt. Don't leave me! I felt bad. But I clicked and clicked until I'd clicked through all the boxes, and successfully abandoned my pet, butchering my Neo Karma. The Pant Devil would surely strike again.

I felt so bad immediately thereafter that I went back to the Neopian pound to try and find my beloved Linda643. After a search, I realized I must've had the numbers in her name wrong. I did a random pet search, shuffling through hoards of crying Neopets and found an Aisha, Britney_is_my_homie, she reminded me of a young Beetfeet, and I adopted her to take the place of poor Linda643. I vowed to treat Britney_is_my_homie as my own creation. Now Britney has been to training school more often than Beetfeet, however, she doesn't like to read as much as Beetfeet does.

In the real world I play Neopets much to the discontent of my boss, who due to my heavy Neopetting instilled a No Games rule. I keep my world hidden in the taskbar, and when the boss comes a sniffin' I minimize my world. When she leaves to go urinate I enter my world, I buy and sell and feed my pets to keep my hand in until I get home, where my phone is always a busy signal. In my world I am the owner of a successful shop, a modest home, and two beautiful pets. In real life, I'm some freaky girl who spends too much time online arguing with thirteen-year-old kids over what to trade for a grape jelly hot dog that only exists in .jpeg form. My homework isn't finished, my boss hates me, and I haven't been kissed in a year. All I want to do is play Neopets for the rest of my life until I die.

SEE ALSO: www.neopets.com

Penelope Memoli
A graduate of Columbia College in Chicago, Penelope Memoli has published material in several esteemed magazines. Her story "That Lady," published in Hair Trigger issue 23, was awarded a College Gold Circle Award by the Columbia Scholastic Press Association in 2002.

See other articles by Penelope Memoli.



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