» Full Dark, No Stars - Stephen King's new novella questions mankind's ability to trust others.
[02.21.2011 by Bridget Doyle]


 » The Top 30 Albums of 2010 - Fashionably, fabulously late, our favorite music (and believe me, there was a LOT) of 2010, the year that some have called the best year for music ever. And only some of those fools work here. Plenty of usual suspects, lots of ties and a few surprises that I won't spoil, including our unexpected #1.
[12.24.2010 by The LAS Staff]


 » Live: Surfer Blood/The Drums at Lincoln Hall, Chicago, IL - Remember when Weezer used to put together records that you could sing along to and rock out to? That's what Surfer Blood's show was like!
[11.04.2010 by Cory Tendering]

Music Reviews

Screaming Females - Castle Talk
»Screaming Females
Castle Talk
Don Giovanni
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
»Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
The Social Network [Original Soundtrack]
The Null Corporation
Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest
Halcyon Digest
No Age - Everything in Between
»No Age
Everything in Between
Sub Pop
Robyn - Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
Body Talk Pt. 1/ Body Talk Pt. 2
The Walkmen - Lisbon
»The Walkmen
Fat Possum

May 9, 2008
RATING: 7.2/10
Director Mitchell Lichtenstein's horror-comedy, Teeth, presents something of a conundrum. While it's a surprisingly good film for the genre, the storyline - a teenage girl with a literal vagina dentata that chomps down on the manhood of those who would do her harm - is ripe for armchair psychoanalysis. On the one hand, the film's plot plays to the ancient male fear - this writer excluded, of course - of the relatively mysterious inner workings of the female anatomy. On the other hand, Teeth's version of the horror film's typical virginal female heroine is given a new twist by allowing her to discover her sexuality and exercise a power that the average teenage boy is powerless against, while kicking some ass (or gnawing some penis, as it were) along the way.

In the film's lead female role Jess Weixler plays Dawn, a high school student who's involved in a Christian organization that urges abstinence. She meets Tobey (Hale Appleman), a fellow sexual teetotaler, but as the pheromones begin wafting about it is not long before the two succumb to their inescapable biological yearnings. Unfortunately for the innocent Dawn, their innocent teen tryst at the local swimming hole becomes something more sinister when Tobey forces himself upon her. In no time at all, Dawn's second set of chompers goes to work on the would-be rapist, leaving a howling Tobey - in a scene that doesn't shy away from showing the bloody, dismembered member - a bit less of a man.

While the film offers a critical take on the self-righteous Christian youth movement, it seems that all of the men in Dawn's life, with the exception of her father, are pretty much assholes and sexual deviants. Her stepbrother is a misanthropic nü-metal fan who has harbored secret desires to get in her pants ever since they played doctor in a kiddie pool and he nicked his finger on her fanged hoo-hah. The one nerdy boy she thinks might actually have a real crush on her turns out to be a douche-bag, after he basically drugs her and the two do the deed. Not surprisingly, he's rendered dickless in a flash of labial incisors. While a bummer for Dawn, this scene features what is possibly one of the best lines of pillow talk ever after having sex: "I can't believe you're still alive." How romantic.

Although the last third of the film pours on the processed cheese and handles the concept in a manner that is perhaps a bit too jokey, rendering Dawn's vagina as more of a weapon and less of a mysterious power, Teeth is an enjoyable if cringe-inducing effort for most of its 90 minutes. The dialogue is spare but snappy, and the action moves along at a satisfyingly brisk pace.

The Teeth DVD - released on Tuesday and supplemented with a commentary with writer/director Lichtenstein, deleted scenes, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and the film's trailer - might not be the most inspirational material for your average novice would-be teenage Lothario. After all, sex is complicated enough when you're 17. Still, it might serve as a wake-up call for any pubescent who's taking the fairer sex for granted.

TRAILER: www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH8yuld4DUE

SEE ALSO: www.teethmovie.com

Jonah Flicker
Jonah Flicker writes, lives, drinks, eats, and consumes music in New York, via Los Angeles. He once received a fortune in a fortune cookie that stated the following: "Soon, a visitor shall delight you." He's still waiting.

See other articles by Jonah Flicker.



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